Today, as I was searching through degree maps and generally planning out the next couple of semesters, a thought struck me that hasn’t in a while.
Who am I?
Not in that spooky existential way – that I don’t have time or brain capacity to discuss in ten lifetimes. Life has enough spooky moments as it is, thank you very much. Some I delight in, others not as much.
Asking myself that again felt so peculiar because the last time I did wasn’t quite as pleasant as it is now. Last time I felt gross and disgusted with the entire situation. Leaving a good job with good benefits that I’d grown to despise despite all the perks made me ask myself that all the time.
Fast forward over a year since then, and I haven’t felt a moment of regret since walking out that door for the last time. I have undergone many changes since, and sometimes it’s hard to look back and recognize all of them.
The biggest has been my shift from the beauty industry back to what I *think will be somewhere in the healthcare field, which I worked in prior to beauty school. I liked it back then, but I’ve grown to L O V E the beauty industry since then.
Without the beauty industry, I wouldn’t have met the amazing people I have, heard the crazy stories or secrets I got to be privy to, or be a part of as many exceptional moments in time with people.
As I said last week though, life goes on. Which is cliche, but true, and in most cases, a really good thing. I love the job that I have in the beauty industry, but I know that on most days it’s grown to be not for me. Because as life goes on, I (thankfully) get smarter, and figured out a way with my manager so I won’t have to completely give it up AND my time is used to the best advantage.
I’m also looking forward to what the near future has in store for me. Sometimes I slip up, but I’m still fighting hard to go with the flow more. That being said, going with the flow has meant giving in to the inevitable in some cases. Phasing out some remnants of my past definitely was, so that I’m able to fully focus on what’s to come.
Questioning who I am might be totally normal at times like this. I’m researching my future, literally. Trying to figure out what kind of legacy I want to leave, since the one I assumed I’d be leaving was swept out from under me.
I’m not complaining in the slightest – anymore. I’m fully aware that ms and what accompanied it, like changes in every aspect of my life, has been 95% positive. Getting healthier in every aspect of my life l e g i t gave me my life back.
But it has left me wondering – who am I? It also led me to the answer – I’m who I want to be, right now.
That should change regularly, and if it doesn’t, then I’m stagnant and that’s the grossest living condition of all. Today, I want to be a good student. Tomorrow, I want to be a good employee. Everyday, I want to be a good wife, fur mama, daughter, sister, friend.
However, my major should not change everyday, so I’m off to do a *little more research. Yay for multiple monitors and automatic degree planners!
