I realize I haven’t done one of these in a freaking month and I have a million excuses, but none that really trump the importance of this for me. Not necessarily blogging, but writing in general. Connecting with others in the auto-immune realm is also really important…without Instagram and my local support group I’d be pretty lost.

Writing has always been helpful for me too, so I feel extra guilty. I’ve worked on improving my self-care in SO many areas lately! I’ve just neglected this one.

The feeling for the past month is just plain worn out. So of course that’s the theme of today’s post.

It’s one of the MS symptoms I’ve been fighting hardest lately…good ol’ fatigue + brain fog. What does this mean for us in general? Well, like most peoples fatigue, we get tired, yes. However, in me, it’s kind of like a switch just gets flipped off. I don’t get to choose to just “keep on keepin’ on” like most people anymore. Sometimes, all the caffeine in the world can’t trick my eyes into staying open even 10 more minutes.

I’m lucky that I don’t face this often, but lately, it’s been rough.

I’ve had to really slow down and listen to my body, which I’ve never been particularly great at. It’s been passing the last few days and I’m not sorry to see it go.

Life, in general, has been hectic and stressful this last month – I dislike being ‘busy’ in the general sense. If I can, I spread my schedule of to do’s, errands, appointments, and daily life stuff out to keep a balance that suits me. I haven’t had much of a choice in the matter recently though.

A car broke down, school stuff was in the air, my work schedule has been erratic, I was sick foreverrr, all the daily stuff that comes along with just being a human being…..I could go on and on, but you get the point.

I’ve just been worn out, and it’s shown. Thank dear baby Jesus for Dermalogica, without which my skin would resemble a zombie from TWD. Not a cute look, and not cheap to rectify, but worth every dime.

Enough about my skin issues – one positive I’ve taken from this month long saga has been the serious need to decide where my energy goes.

I’ve learned how key it is to be an advocate for yourself first – which can mean making some hard, but necessary, decisions. Some decisions I should have made a long time ago for sure, but late is better than pregnant..I mean never, right?

(Sorry for the golden girls humor I’ve just always loved that joke ok anyways)

You have to decide where your energy goes in the easy ways – like ok I’m going to the gym and doing meal prep, so the laundry has to wait – but the hard ways are more complicated than that, right? Like, well she never texts me first…so why waste my energy there? My to do list is getting a little long, but the gym makes me feel great, so won’t it wait? I don’t really get any enjoyment out of doing my makeup anymore, so why do it just because society expects it? I’m supposed to waste a spoon because I’m expected to look a certain way?

Those decisions are harder, and I’m fighting myself trying to keep up with my old ways and expectations. This month, I just didn’t have the energy to keep fighting…and it wasn’t so bad. Yeah, it hurts when you realize you won’t hear from them, and the first time someone comments on your ‘lack’ of face it stings…but it wasn’t so bad.

It’s kind of cool to learn something from shitty circumstances, and it definitely makes you appreciate lessons learned in better times.

I’m off to watch Trailer Park Boys, work on some more blog posts and enjoy my weekend!