The First Year of Marriage With MS
Two days ago was my three year wedding anniversary – so why am I calling this The First Year? Because I got diagnosed with Relapse Remitting Multiple Sclerosis a little over a year ago, so I feel like this is our first full year facing it together.
I’ve had symptoms for years, but this year we faced MS head on armed ith a diagnosis and help from our loved ones – the ones that stuck around, anyways.
First, I just wanna say kudos to us for three more years. Three happy, crazy, chaotic, stressful and thoroughly lived years.
We’ve been married for three years, but together since 2010. I was only 16 when I met Phil, and 18 when I finally got him to take me on our first date. We moved in together after a month of dating, which is definitely not the type of advice I typically give people. Somehow though, we just knew.
It’s been a rollercoaster of a ride, especially since my diagnosis last year. I’ve learned SO much about ms this past year, but I’ve learned almost just as much about him.
I thought I knew him before we got married; I definitely thought I knew him almost 8 ½ years into our tumultuous relationship when I got diagnosed. I was so wrong.
The second biggest thing I’ve learned about being married with ms? Enjoy one another when you can.
MS is so unpredictable, you really don’t know when your next great day is. We can be fine today, and wake up tomorrow feeling like a bus hit us. That’s just life with ms. Or any chronic illness, really.
If you have the chance to spend time together, do it. Suddenly find yourself with the time and energy to go on a date? Do it. Enjoy each other as often as you can. See new things, listen to music, visit museums, try new foods, and be with each other whenever the opportunity presents itself.
Don’t worry a bout the laundry or the dishes – they’ll be there when you get home, I promise.
The past year also taught me how strong my husband is. He works waaay more than full time at a labor intensive job so I can work part time and go to school. But when I get sick in the middle of the night, he’s magically at the bathroom door, asking if I’m ok.
(even though he knows I’m going to say, “go awaaaay” in the most poltergeistish voice, he still asks) And somehow, he’s still awake, to hold me and tell me it’s all ok when I climb back into bed.
It taught me that as much as I hate asking for help, he can handle it – but what’s more, he actually wants to.
It taught me how thoughtful he is. He cooks most of the time, trying to tempt me to eat when I have no appetite. He does more than his fair share of the house work, and has picked up so much of my slack. Did I mention he’s also been enrolled in school since February? He wants to be able to provide for us better, so he’s training to be an HVAC technician after work. Like I don’t have enough to live up to, already.
It taught me I should always eat a bite of his food, even if that’s all I can manage, because he did it all for me.
The past year showed me his weaknesses, too. I’ve seen him try to hide teary eyes, and I’ve seen him look away quickly when he sees me grimace in pain.(yeah babe, if you’re reading this, I’ve noticed. I’m ok, I promise) I know he hates that he can’t do anything about it.
It taught me that even the strongest superman will have a kryptonite, and for my husband, that’s me being in pain.
It’s taught me how seriously he takes us. He puts our relationship before anything else in the entire world. I’ve seen how every little thing he does will benefit me in some way. It’s like making my life easier is on his mind 24/7 – How will this fit into Bri’s routine? What can I do to make her day go smoother? Are there any errands I can run for her, or food I can prep, or clothes I can fold, or….his list goes on and on. Like I mentioned earlier, as if I didn’t already have enough to live up to.
It taught me that sometimes, being of service to the ones they love is the highest pleasure a person can get.
But the biggest thing I learned The First Year of being Married With MS is that as long as you make every struggle you and your partner vs. the problem, you’ll be ok. It’s SO easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated with your disease and take it out on your partner. It’s ok – we’ve all done it, chronic disease interfering or not.
Have any advice for all of us in a relationship with chronic illness? Drop them below!
