“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

Theodore Roosevelt

April 8th, 2018, was one hell of a day in our household.

I was trying to get comfortable with half of my body completely numb. My husband spent his 30th birthday curled up in a hospital chair. My mom ripped the house apart looking for every little thing I asked for. My sister spent three days away from home, stuck to my side like glue.

I aso heard the words, “Multiple Sclerosis,” out of the mouth of a Neurologist for the first time.

It did not come as a surprise. I was 15 when my symptoms first started appearing. Over a decade would pass before I would get a diagnosis. A flare every two or three years, always in the Spring, made me feel like I was absolutely losing my mind.

Add to that, dozens of adults all assuring me that I definitely wasn’t losing my mind; I was simply an overdramatic teenager desperate for attention. I think the random nature of MS makes it easy for overconfident adults to dismiss as growing pains.

Dizzy spells, random numbness, cognitive fog, severe fatigue, and back pain were some of my very first symptoms. Dozens more would randomly appear in years to come. Being overweight, depressed, Bipolar, having carpal tunnel, POTS, a heart murmur, PCOS, PTSD, and pre-diabetes were all blamed at one point or another.

Fast forward to last year. Sitting in my hospital bed, finally hearing those words… it didn’t scare or shock me. I’d put all the pieces together the year before; whether due to denial or lack of symptoms at the time, I did not seek further treatment then. But I knew.

All I felt when I heard, “Multiple Sclerosis,” that fateful spring day was relief.

Now, I could get on with my life, thank you very much. I felt like the whole world was in my hands in that moment. I’m still realizing how much of a gift I’ve been given every day.

When I got out of the hospital, I didn’t need my cane to walk and the right side of my body was no longer affected. I was sporting quite the set of chipmunk cheeks, but the steroids had done their job. I had some residual issues, but they quickly resolved when I set my mind to recovering.

I’ve dedicated the last year of my life to nothing but Multiple Sclerosis and personal growth. Seems kind of counter intuitive, right? A chronic, debilitating disease diagnosis freshly slapped across my forehead, and I’m gearing up for a fight?

People who know me personally would probably just shake their head and say, “Yeah, that’s Bri.”

From that weekend a year ago to now, a lot has changed. One thing has changed more than anything, though – my sweet family’s dedication to me and their determination that I live, any way I know how and can.

My entire family has rallied around me – we’re doing the MS Walk this weekend, actually! – but my husband, Mom, and sister are special kinds of saints. They have been the anchors that have kept me from floating away this year. Every time I get frustrated and upset learning to live this new normal, there they are to support me any way they can. They’re always there for each other, too – I know that seeing me hurt and sick bothers Phil so much more than he lets me see. But, my Mom and Sis try to take as much off his plate as they can, and I couldn’t thank them enough for taking care of him. I really couldn’t ask for anything more.

On top of the happier, more fulfilling relationships I have with others, I have a better one with myself, too.

Even with lesions, I’m healthier than I have been since I was a kid. Running and lifting not so heavy weights have replaced my couch time. I drink whole food smoothies once, sometimes twice daily if I’m feeling fancy. I go to acupuncture, meditate, take naps when necessary, work hard when I can, and basically do everything in my power to fight this mess. I’ve lost a ton of weight, and don’t struggle with any health issues besides…well, lesions.

Today is my husband’s 31st birthday, and my first Rebirthday. The past twelve years showed me how strong I was, because I had no other choice. This past year, though, I was finally able to take control of the fire I was pushed into.

This fight has given me so much to be grateful for. When you wake up and can’t use your legs the way you did the day before, you start to appreciate everything a little more. As I’ve learned to live my new normal, I’ve gained such a deep perspective on things. Although I fail frequently, I’m really good at not stressing the small stuff as much anymore. If my immune system can’t take me down, nothing can. What do I look like worrying about what societ thinks of me, when I ought to be busy living the gift I’ve been given?

The past year has taught me SO much that I want to share with others – all I want to be is an advocate for all of us. Those fighting MS, each of us as individual as the snowflake they nicknamed our disease after, and all of us fighting chronic illness in general. We fight a different kind of battle, that until you’re fighting, you can’t understand.

That’s why I took pictures here at The Twisted House, located in beautiful Broad Ripple at the Indy Arts Center. For me, it is the perfect representation of trying to live in a body with MS. Navigating the twists and turns everyday – the extra effort it takes to just get from the bedroom to the bath, the extra steps and precautions we take without almost any notice at the end of they day. Our new normal, that to anyone else, would feel like suddely waking up and living in this house.

I took these pictures too, because sometimes I just want to put on a tutu and feel like the MS Princess for awhile.

So, what does the next year hold for Stumble Pup? Hopefully, a whole lot more advocating and educating. Educating others on what’s worked for me so far, learning anything I can to keep growing, and to be the open arms I needed when I was freshly diagnosed.

MS is hard. Learning to live my new normal has been the messiest experience of my life. If I can help anyone, I want to, and I’m here.

For now, Wuppy and I will be right here, manning the Stumble Pup express. I’ll be continuing to pursue my bachelors degree in Health Science to be a better advocate and ally. This semester is almost over, and I couldn’t be more ready to go camping when it’s all said and done!

I also hope the summer will be the launching pad of my two new ideas for series for the blog. Like I said earlier, I want to start expanding different avenues of the blog to advocate more fiercely. I know our stories need to be told, and I’m trying to figure out the best way to do just that.

That being said, I’ll be doing a few interviews closer to the summer – anyone interested in sharing a few key points of your story? Email me at bri@stumblepup.com or drop your contact information below. I look forward to hearing from all of you, and thank you for celebrating my Rebirthday with me. Here’s a few more from the shoot as a thanks for sticking around this long!