This coming Monday, September 23rd, is the Autumnal Equinox in the Northern Hemisphere. What exactly is this, what does it mean, and why am I bringing it up on a chronic illness blog?

The September equinox is when the Sun appears to cross the celestial equator, heading southward. Day and night are about the same length, but from here on out, night gains strength.

Traditionally, the equinox is a time to celebrate the harvest of the season, and prepare for the season to come. A time to thank the fields for their bounty, and to prepare for the cold , dreary winter ahead.

These days, most of us are a little more disconnected than that. We’re getting back to school, excited for pumpkin spice everything, and maybe planning something simple for Mabon or Halloween, if so inclined.

The coming change of seasons is certainly in the air. Despite some lingering warm days, the leaves are slowly starting to change and drop. People talk about how beautiful this change is; so why do we struggle so badly with change in general?

I’ll be the first to admit it – this is one of my bigger issues. When you have a chronic illness, anything you can control, you do. I work very hard to manage everything I can, but there are ALWAYS going to be things out of our control.

This is scary for a number of reasons, chronic illness related and in general.

When you have a chronic illness, your health can be inconsistent. It can feel like everything you CAN control is a battle won. Being able to control things can quickly become an obsession for us, which in turn, makes change even more uncomfortable. It can feel like a failure.

Change is scary because it’s new, and we feel like things should just stay the same. Hell, even our brains get conditioned to expect the same things, people, environments, etc.

This autumnal equinox is reminding me how beautiful it can be to let go of that need for control, though. In one of my last posts, I wrote about finding my reason to go back to school when I had to leave the beauty industry. That change was forced, just like the seasons – not rushed, but it had to happen, and was going to, regardless of wants.

This equinox, I find myself in my sophomore year, following a very different path than one I imagined at this age. I’m in a very different place in my life than almost everyone my age, and I’m making the most of it. Such a season of change.

Autumn rolls in with gorgeous golds, crisp reds, and and all manners of deep, fall beauty. Summer becomes Fall, and here we are. If the seasons can change with so much grace, why can’t we?

Now, I’m not here for toxic positivity; I don’t expect ANYONE to wake up in a flare with a smile on their face. In those cases, all we can really do is try not to take it out on anyone else while we figure out how to make it to the next day.

I’m talking about normal, everyday life changes. Are you going to force life to drag you into the next chapter every. single. time?

I think back, and know how silly my thought patterns were. I was perfectly good enough, and didn’t need to change, thank you very much.

Which is still true. I was good enough. Being good enough as I am doesn’t give me a free pass to not grow and evolve though. None of us get that pass, and life makes sure to collect those old versions of us as we change.

Which brings me to my point – I’m sure you’re relieved we’ve finally arrived. With MS, chronic illnesses, and life in general, change is inevitable. All we control is how we choose to approach and adapt to it.

I choose to face it as best as I can, with no heel dragging. Unless my foot is dropping, which in that case…I’ll be there shortly. I found my why, I’ll figure out the how along the way.

Speaking of figuring it out along the way, not to mention big changes, the semester is slowly but surely just chugging along. If you’re interested in how I’m dealing with that particular change, make sure you check back next week. I’ll be posting about managing a chronic illness and college, because it’s basically taking over my life.

You can also check out my Instagram or Pinterest if you’re so inclined. I hope to hear from you soon!