We all know them – and most of us have at least one in our lives, if not more.

The snooty relative that watches from a distance,  with a sneer. They’re quick to comment when anything doesn’t go as you planned, but are silent when you succeed. The fake friend who’s quick to laugh when you mess up, but never seems to be around when you’re doing well.

Maybe whoever it is is downright mean or just sucks your energy as soon as they enter the room. You feel like you can’t let your guard down around them, or the need to meet their ridiculous expectations. There are all types of signs you’re dealing with a toxic person.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a simple issue to tackle. Especially when it’s a relative or a friend who’s important to you. It gets even trickier if you add in some serious life-changing circumstances, like a multiple sclerosis or other chronic illness diagnosis.

I’ve heard this a million times; “Just wait until you get pregnant, you’ll find out who your real friends are.” That has been said to me with the utmost certainty; I can’t attest to the validity of that. I do know that when you get diagnosed with a chronic illness, that d e f i n i t e l y  happens.

All of a sudden, it became very apparent to me who in our circle was going to support my husband and I on this journey. I say we because he has made apparent from Day One that I’m never going to deal with any of this alone. He hasn’t let me down yet.

It was painful trying to understand all of this, on top of processing the massive amounts of change in other areas of my life. While I’m trying to let go of the idea that I “did this to myself” in some way, I’m also trying to figure out why people have suddenly gone silent on all things regarding “us”.

I was trying to focus on navigating my new normal, while around me, people silently slipped from our lives. Even more aggravating, we started hearing peoples unwanted, negative opinions about our new lifestyle.

On my Rebirthday, I talked about feeling like I was gearing up for a fight against ms. When you feel like you’re constantly in battle, it’s kind of hard not to notice who isn’t there, fighting by your side. It’ even easier to spot those against you.

Dealing with all of this wasn’t easy. It’s taken a lot of difficult discussions and even harder decisions. In the end, it all came down to this;

What does this person add to our lives? If nothing positive, regardless of relation or length of frienship, they had to go. And 10/10 of those who left before we got a chance to do this would have gotten the axe anyways, btw.

Before you gasp and think, “How selfish!” please realize I do know a relationship goes both ways. I pride myself on the type of friend and family member I am, beause I always go the extra mile for people I love. I’m not perfect by any means, but I always give my all to those I care about. Anyone we no longer associate with can by no means say we didn’t try.

So, we’ve cut out a lot of unneccessary relationships in our lives, but where did it leave us? Well, with a ton of free time for one thing. Less time taken up by dealing with toxic people means more time for those that really matter. The ones who’ve surrounded us with three times the amount of support we lost.

It also left us with less stress. You know those family or friends get togethers you dread for weeks, because you know so-and-so is going to be there. You just know they’re going to be their usual negative know it all nancy self. By the time you show up, your stomach is in knots and you’re ready to leave. We decided to just not go. You can politely decline the invitation, give some excuse, or ignore it all together.

You’re not required to go, guys. Crazy idea, I know.

In the age of social media, some of us feel the need to respond to everything said online. Every comment, link shared, or event invitation is like a light to a moth for some – it would feel unacceptable to just not respond. Almost barbaric.

I’m here to tell you, it’s liberating. You can always unfriend people – but if you don’t feel like it’s an option to delete dear old racist great aunt betty, you can also unfollow them. They don’t get a notification, and you don’t have to see their stuff anymore. Event invitations can always be left alone. You don’t have to respond, nor do you have to go. It’s that simple.

If you’re unable to get away from these people due to age or some other reason, you aso have an option; ignore them. Easier said than done, but it is such a great skill once you practice it a bit.

There are occassions I may have to be around one of those people now and then. It’s a lot easier to smile blandly and ignore them because I’ve realize that most of them are just sad individals. Because they’re sad with their own life, they try to take away some of their on pain by inflicting it on others.

The saying has been around forever – “Misery loves company.” Well, so does anger, resentment, jealousy, and most other negative emotions. If they’re trying to make you feel small and insignificant, imagine how they must feel. It can’t feel good to be them. When you feel sorry for them, their opinions aren’t nearly as important.

I now see it was a godsend that those people left our lives after my diagnosis. It saved me a lot of time and heartache later on. Lately, our home life has been very peaceful, and for that I’m beyond grateful. When you aren’t distracted by small, unimportant things, the good stuff really starts to shine.

I’ll also add, the family and friends who really showed up for the fight…you’ll never know how much it means. So many people have reached out to us, many more than those who disappeared. It’s only because of you that Phil and I are thriving now. We wouldn’t be living our best lives without any one of you.

I really hope you consider cutting out the toxic people in your life. It’s been SO beneficial for our family! Have you had to deal with a toxic person in your life? Drop your thoughts below – I’d love to hear them!