Recently, I was re-acquainted with a very old friend – grief. He is far from a stranger to me; I’ve lost many people in my short 27 years. Enough that I’ve developed some excellent coping mechanisms. That being said, losing someone never really gets easier. The initial shock doesn’t hit any softer, the tears don’t suddenly feel natural on your face.
However, some definitely are easier than others. Losing my Dad in a car wreck two days after his birthday four years ago? That was a bit rough, to make a very long story short. Losing my grandmother a few weeks ago was very sad, but she’d lived a long life. After a battle with health issues the past few years, it was time for her to stop hurting. No less sad, but not like a gut punch every couple of days.
Dealing with grief with a chronic illness gets tricky, and in my case, even trickier with MS. My exacerbations are definitely influenced by stress. If I don’t keep my stress in check, my foot will start to drop and I’ll start stumbling so much everyone will swear I’m tipsy at 10am. So for me, finding ways to deal is of the utmost importance in situations like these.
Grief does come in waves, that I know to be very true. The waves can be easier to deal with if you have some good coping mechanisms up your sleeve. The list below is nowhere near comprehensive, but definitely a great starting point.
5 Tips for Dealing with Grief
1. Stick to your Routine
I gave this one the number one slot because it’s definitely been the most beneficial for me. When we went out of town for the funeral, I made sure to stick to my normal routine as much as possible. I took my meds when I normally would, went to sleep when we would at home, etc. Sticking to a routine gives you some semblance of normality when most of it is missing. It also keeps your body on schedule, which was key for me.
2. Healthy Eating + Exercise
This was also key for me. I brought my blender and smoothie ingredients so I wouldn’t miss out on those super nutrients when I needed them most. Being around family, babies, and in a hotel occupied by tons of strangers, I was on the lookout for opportunities to beef up my immune system. Same goes for exercise; I made sure to hit the hotel gym once a day like I would at home. Getting the usual amount of physical activity and all my usual superfoods gave me most of the energy I needed to deal with that weekend.
3. Meditation/Journaling/Drawing
This can be so helpful, especially if you normally struggle with creativity. When confronted with grief, we go through a lot of different emotions. Ignoring those emotions only sets us up for an im/explosion later. Drawing or journaling are great coping mechanisms that allow you to just go through the emotions. You can zone out too, if that’s more your style. To me, they are both forms of more active meditation.
4. Acknowledge + Allow your Grief
It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be mad. It’s ok to be hurt. It’s ok to be bereft, chaotic, confused, numb, all of the above, or none. The most important thing is don’t just ignore it. Compartmentalizing grief is one of the most dangerous things you can do. If you want to avoid an emotional volcano eruption later, simply saying, “Hey, I see you,” to your grief helps start that healthy process.
5. Seek out Support
I talk about it all the time, and I’ll talk about it again – GO SEE A COUNSELOR. Please. Everyone can benefit at almost every stage of life, but during these times, it’s critical you take care of yourself. Seeking support or help is one of the bravest things anyone can do in my opinion. It’s also the opinion of many others who are far more intelligent than I. Seeing a professional can be the best thing you ever do.
We are all going to lose someone we care about someday, if we’re lucky enough to have people we care about. Life doesn’t care much that I (or you) have a chronic illness; it goes on regardless, which is really a beautiful thing, in the end. Pay attention to how you’re feeling, listen to your bodies clues, and keep going.
If you have any great tips to add to this list, please drop them below!
